It’s an interesting phenomenon. Strangers will call or (worse) text about a leased space or a building for sale. For most of them, they have zero or no practice having leased or bought a commercial building. It’s not something most people do on a regular basis. So, they enter into the conversation with a little hesitation, a little built-in defensiveness. I don’t even think they are conscious of it. It’s “Okay, I am going to call or text his person and find out more” and, for maybe a couple of seconds, or not at all, they think about what they are going to say or how they are going to approach it. But they also unconsciously know that they really don’t know what they are doing or the protocol. (This is all just pure theory on my part. For instance, my assumption that they unconsciously know that they don’t know is perhaps generous. A lot of people actually do have no shame or hidden sense of context and how they are being received, and it’s just “Bombs Away.”) Anyway, the call or text is uncharted territory for them, and they kind of know it. Because they are on the defensive, they choose to take an offensive or blunt approach, lacking grace and humanity or shared appreciation of the person on the other end of the line, and what should be a conversation.
Such callers or texters choose to start with an effort to try and fake it, to make it seem that they really do know the protocol, and the questions to ask, and the stance to take. It comes across as an attitude of “Hey, you are here to serve me, and I am here to be served.” So, devoid of an introduction or context or small talk, they start with “When can you show me the space”, with the unwritten implication “And I expect you to accommodate me.” Also, they often approach it from a lazy stance, without collecting basic facts in an effort to maximize the call. For instance, they often don’t have an address. They just expect us as Brokers to intuit the property they are talking about with no identifier.
All of this subtle lack of thought and preparation results in this: not only does their camouflage fail and I know that they are new, they come across as an entitled jackass, a species also commonly referred to as an asshole, a phony, or an amateur.
It is so non-sensical, and I often have a problem with it. It’s just a bad attitude and not a way to enter into a dialogue with a stranger. It rubs me the wrong way, and often turns me into a jerk or a cold-hearted operator. For no good reason other than a little lack of grace, the conversation gets off on the wrong foot.
Instead of an opportunity to possibly start a relationship or even just to have a pleasant conversation that gets results, it’s irritating, and often leads to bad or no results, really for both of us. (On a side note, the general rule is to try to determine if someone actually is a legitimate player, but just a poor communicator or lacking basic pleasant communication skills. There are a lot of really substantial people who just don’t communicate very well.)
I should have a little more charity in my heart and just understand that these callers are a little uneasy talking to a stranger on a topic they don’t know much about, and are just trying to mask it.
Some days I do, depending on how well-rested I am and whether the day hasn’t been littered with conflict, which generally breeds a combative attitude. Unfortunately, the days where I’m chill, positive, calm, well-rested and focused happen less likely than I would like to admit. The norm is to be fairly stressed out, tired, and pulled in several directions. However, when I am on my game and not triggered and actually calm and mature, I gently and calmly, but often pointedly and with humor mixed in, ask them who they are and say something to the effect of, “Can you give me a little more context?” Usually, that will do it, and most people aren’t offended. They will open up a bit, and it takes an initial bad start and gets the conversation to a better path.
Sometimes, though, you get true assholes or clueless people, and they just stick with the attitude, a situation I can usually decipher within seconds. “Greeting, response, oh I see this might be a bad one, some short exchange of a couple of more questions and responses, okay it actually is, internal silent groan.” When this happens, I don’t really feel the need to give them the time of day and the gloves come off. This means trying to give them the basic information and end the call as soon as possible, without snapping or escalating and building an enemy. The post-call repercussions are always a concern, so mitigating the loss of time and the interruption becomes the immediate objective for what is hopefully a very brief interaction.
A bad, negative, emotional interaction usually takes at least an hour, or the rest of the day, to move on from, where it is forgotten and not taking up precious headspace and focus.
Mostly, I just wonder how these folks exist in the world, and how their parents raised them. Like, are they actually pretty nice under most circumstances, but they screwed up the interaction with their first salvo, and I definitely did, too, in response? Or are they these outliers who go through life with no real friends or lasting relationships, and they wonder why no one likes them, not even their family.
There is a lot to be learned here. Quite often, I am a rude and direct person myself. Sometimes, it’s warranted, or I think it is. Usually, it really isn’t. I feel like, if I take a deep breath, and make it a point of dealing with whoever I interact with from a position of good faith and positivity and calm and humbleness, that life and conversations end up better, almost without fail. We, the two of us, end up feeling good about the interaction, maybe with both of us having a smile, and the results from the exchange end up being way better too. It really is a choice paired with acquired skill and diplomacy, and it can be learned, again and again.
My end takeaway is that every interaction, and especially first-time encounters, however brief, are an opportunity to move a relationship forward and feel good about it, paired with the risk of negativity and going backwards and not feeling good about it. So, there is both risk and reward, every single time. It is why people drive us nuts and why our relationships and shared moments are often so fulfilling. And that they can be managed with skill and experience, a learning phenomenon that doesn’t end until we are dead. Unlike our physical prowess, which tends to peak early and then decline slowly for a long time, how we handle interactions can get better for a long time in our lives. I guess they call it a number of things: grace, maturity, wisdom, perspective. Speaking from my own slow and unsteady trajectory, it takes longer for some of us to acquire it, and it is all through trial and error, and practice.
Hugh
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